Furth and Fortune blog by Will Murray

“Weblog” should be gender neutral in a general sense. Since blogs are reflections of their human creators, I think the gender of the noun aligns with the gender of the blogger. It therefore would have the potential to be either masculine or feminine. Hmm… but what about other situations… Read about those after the jump.

This video titled “What song is this?” seemed appropriate this month at the start of a new year, an election period in our country, and on a national holiday weekend.

Liked that? OneManSho has more. In the next one, he performs “200 Impressions” of people and animated characters:

Tags: art, design, foods, impressions, music, OneManSho, patriotic, videos, YouTube

Happy Labor Day! For those of you with gainful employment, I hope you enjoy a well-deserved day off! For those of you still looking for that perfect job, rest assured that many others before you have had similarly difficult job searches! Take my job history for example…

1. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I was canned: couldn’t concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
4. Next, I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
5. I worked as a pilot but eventually was grounded for taking off too much.
6. Then I tried teaching but I couldn’t make the grade.
7. I spent a few years as a Psychiatrist but everyone’s problems drove me crazy.
8. I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
9. Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn’t have the thyme.
10. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
11. My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
12. I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.
13. I worked a long time as a doctor. I gave it my best shot, but I didn’t have enough patients.
14. Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.
15. The Energizer Battery Company hired me but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going…
16. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
17. I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
18. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
19. I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.
20. So then, I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
21. Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.
22. My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.
23. Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking even though it kind of turned me on.
24. I was a gardener for a while, but I didn’t grow with the job even though I was raking in the money.
25. My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.
26. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
27. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

You got any other ideas. I’m open for suggestions! Maybe you have something that WORKS…because I don’t!

[Thanks to James for sending me these.]

Tags: humor, jobs, Labor Day, puns

These are great. Reposted – don’t know the year.

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
5. Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6. Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.
7. Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
8. Karmageddon (n) It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
9. Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
10. Glibido (v) All talk and no action
11. Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
12. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
13. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:
15. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an a**hole.

Tags: English language, humor, neologisms

20 (Mostly) Funny Videos By or About Microsoft

I should point out that I am not a Microsoft employee, but I work for a Microsoft partner. That means that I work for a company that sells and supports Microsoft products. My opinions, and the opinions of the videos displayed and/or linked to from this blog do not necessarily (and in most cases almost certainly don’t) represents Microsoft’s official views, or even my own (except what I wrote in the comments). Some of these videos are legitimate Microsoft ads, some are spoofs, some are ads or jokes that I have no idea how they got approved by the corporate bureaucracy ("It’s better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission" mentality?), and some are jokes and parodies that others have made. I hope you enjoy some or all of these. Please post comments about what you like. Just don’t turn this into a religious discussion about how evil or wonderful Microsoft and Bill Gates are, how much better or worse Mac or Linux are (or OS/2 or any other system), etc. As I tell my clients, "I have no religious convictions when it comes to computers. I just recommend that you use whatever works the best for your particular needs given your particular budget." Now, enjoy the lighter side of Microsoft.

Punish Your Microsoft Developer

About 6 months ago, I saw the following video at a Microsoft partner event. I’m still waiting for the WSYP to be offered to the partners. Gotta love it!

Tags: advertisements, humor, marketing, Microsoft, videos, Windows, Xbox, YouTube